Conductor: 
leaps tall buildings in a single bound 
is more powerful than a locomotive 
is faster than a speeding bullet 
walks on water 
gives policy to a god

Percussionist: 
falls over the doorstep when trying to enter buildings 
says "look at the choo-choo" 
wets himself with a water pistol 
plays in mud puddles 
loses arguments with himself

Saxophone Player: 
runs into buildings 
recognizes locomotives 2 times out of 3 
is not issued any ammunition 
can stay afloat with a life jacket 
talks to walls, argues with himself

Horn Player:
Too afraid too jump building in case they miss
Works in locomotives 
too busy with mouthpeice for gun 
produces water 
thinks they are a god

Trombone Player: 
barely clears a Quonset hut 
loses tug-of-war with locomotive 
can fire a speeding bullet 
swims well 
is occasionally addressed by a god

Bassoon Player: 
makes marks on the wall when trying to clear short buildings 
is run over by a locomotive 
can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury 
dog-paddles 
talks to animals

Oboe Player: 
leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds 
is almost as powerful as a switch engine 
is almost as fast as a speeding bullet 
walks on water in an indoor swimming pool 
talks to a god if special request is approved

Flute Player: 
leaps short buildings in a single bound 
is more powerful than a switch engine 
is just as fast as a speeding bullet 
walks on water if sea is calm 
talks with a god

Trumpet Player: 
argues with building when it won't get out of the way 
sleeps in locomotive 
claims it's too easy to catch bullets in teeth explaining why he really can't 
saves water to drink after every triple C 
thinks he's a god.

Clarinet Player:
lifts buildings and walks under them 
kicks locomotives off the tracks 
catches speeding bullets in teeth and eats them 
freezes water with a single glance 
is a god