I can tell, I'm getting sick again, At least I don't have to go to school for awhile.

Also I know what's about to happen, I thought about why Shadow was being very distant.

She's leaving soon, We both used to travel around the USA because of our dads jobs,

We stopped though and got a house and settled down, But Shadow's family hasn't.

She wants to stop traveling though, I know she does, She tells me that it's lonely,

I know what it's like to be alone most my life as much as she does, But we have different side effects from it.

She became a loner, I became unstable, Though in a way she is unstable as well, At least emotionally.

You can't tell honestly, She's way to emotional for her own good, And on the inside she's emotionally unstable.

But on the outside, It doesn't change, Her emotional expression, She usual looks bored, Unless she's around me of course.

She has other friends of course, But you can't really call them friends honestly, Their like talk buddies for when your bored.

Just ask shadow... There's Sky, Miki, And Adala. Her and sky hardly ever talk, And when they do it's about music or a movie,

So the convo doesn't last very long, Miki is eighteen or nineteen and mainly talks about boys, So they don't really talk anymore.

And then Adala, Well they talk a good bit, But their only like online buddies, They never actually met in real life.

Oh yeah and there's Racguel, Shadow meet her at her homeschool test back a few years ago(Yeah me and her used to be home-schooled, But shadows mom couldn't home school her though high-shcool)

Anyways, They became pretty good friends, But they only ever meet that one time, They talked a good bit after that, But they haven't talked in forever, Sometimes Shadow even forgets about her.

Shadow feels bad about it, But I can't blame her, She has a horrible memory, And she only seen the girl once.

 

Eli: She'll forget you one day to, You know that don't you Heart?

Devil: hehe yeah, she'll forget all about you, It'll be like you never existed in this world once she's gone!

I thought you guys was supposed to much me feel better, Not worse!

Devil: Sorry, We're not that type of voices.

 Eli: Nope, We're your voice, Of course we don't know how to much people feel better.

Was that a insult?

Eli: Yup!

God, I hate you two.

Both: Thanks!

 

Being sick sucks for me, I have to listen to this guys more, Why do they wanna mess with me while I'm sick?

I'll never know, But they do, Honestly their worse then me, But I guess it's cause I made them up inside my mind,

Which is a very dangerous place by the way. 

"HARTLEY! COME DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!!!" My mom yelled up to my room.

 Great, What is it this time? Hmm lets see, My sister probably blamed something on me.....again.

I don't hate her, I just don't like her most the time, She used to be nicer and more caring, Then she became a teenager.

And just changed, within a year she changed completely, She started going down the wrong path, She's still going down it, But my mother isn't letting her go all the way down it.

I sigh, Get out of bed and walk downstairs "yes, mom?" I said almost emotionlessly, I gave up on acting happy long ago, I don't even talk much anymore, 

But yet nothing has changed, Sometimes I wonder if they even care, I know they do.. I honestly know they do, But I can't help but wonder. 

"what happened to my lamp?" she asked, Anger showing in her voice, But yet she's trying to not sound to mean, She's scared I'll snap.

"I don't know, I was in my room" I said calmly. I've tried to tell my mom how I felt many times, She just doesn't listens or... Forgets.

"oh and your calling your sister a liar" My mother said, getting more mad.

"If she told you I broke the lamp, Then she is lying, You know she lies just as much as i do" I said back. I'm not lying, My sister lies, She even tells lies about me to her friends or anyone really.

I gave up on trying to reach out and become friends with her, It doesn't work out, Mom told me to stop being so hard on her, That she's trying, But honestly I haven't seen her try one little bit,

I only see myself trying and failing like always, It's like no matter what I do, I just make everyone around me upset or mad. It hurts because I try, I keep trying but I can't make them happy, Just sad or mad. 

My mom just walked out of the room, They want me to hang around them more, But every time I try, Their not there, Or they walk out,

And sometimes all my mom does is talk to my sister, while I babysit most the time, My mom once said that she didn't want my sister to feel bad about her body.

All I could think was 'What about me? I feel bad. Not just about my body but about myself! But you don't seem to care!' I'd never say this out loud of course.

But I can think it, My thoughts are what keep me safe honestly, Even though to other people I probably seem completely insane. Which I am!

I stand in my living room a few more minutes, Then head back up to my room, My hideout. 

My room is where I live, I don't go downstairs much, Because when I go down there.

My mom and dad are fighting, Or my mom and sister are talking about god knows what.

Or my little brother is crying, And I end up babysitting(more)

My life is hard, I can admit that, But I hate self-pity, And I know other people have it worse.

But sometimes, Just sometimes I feel like crying from my life, Then I start hating myself more for wanting to cry about my life,

Because that is a show of self-pity, Even though shadow tells me I can cry(I usual do around her) I still feel as if I'll be upsetting people more.

Actually I know I do, My mom one time just walked out of the room when I started crying because she was upset with me, When I told shadow she was a bit mad at my mom.

But she's very forgiving(she forgives everyone for anything, But that doesn't mean she'll stay/be their friend, Or that she likes them) She can't hate either.

She's just a good person with many flaws, She tells me the same thing but adds; Oh and your unstable to.

And with that we both laugh, We're sick people we honestly are, But I don't care to much!

I enjoy being a crazy person, Life's more fun that way(at least for a little while) Plus if I ever kill someone and get caught, I can blame it on my insanity.

But if I ever killed anyone, I'd be it like that women does, From the movie Eye-For-An-Eye. It's a very good movie by the way!

 

Devil: You'll need up killing someone. One of these days you'll snap and kill someone.

Eli: Yup you will!

Sweetie: She's not that crazy!

Actually their probably right, I already talk to people in my head, In a few years I'll probably turn into a mentally insane killer.

 Devil: Oh you will.

 Eli: With the help from us!

Please tell me you wont be around that long!!!

Both: We probably will.

Why, god! WHY!?

Both: Someone up there hates you that's why.

Yeah your probably right, I've thought that quite a few times before.

Eli: mhmmm.

Sweetie: You should rest heart, your sick and tired.

Yeah your right, So please all of you shut up! 

I sigh, Climb into bed, Cover up, And fall into a nightmare filled sleep.

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What do you think of this chapter?

I thought It'd show you a little more of Hearts life (and some of Shadows)

Anyways:

To all Haters: Screw you guys! (I'm going home~ :3)

To all fans: Thanks for all the support! (I love you guys :3)

.........

I'm been watching  South park! :D

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 If you don't Review, You Killed Kenny!

 If you do review, YOU SAVED KENNY!

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